Pain is an inevitable part of life and leadership, but suffering is something you choose.

At the recent funeral of a soldier named Moshe Noll, the eulogy described his lifetime of extreme learning struggles as well as his adamant refusal to be unhappy about it. He couldnt read or write when he arrived at religious school as a young adult. Yet, he overcame those challenges with quiet determination. Instead of choosing suffering, he moved through life with joy and humor.  

When asked how he managed to stay so positive, Noll simply explained, Things are hard enough for me as it is. Do I need to add the challenge of sadness, too? Noll actively chose to not suffer. 

Somewhere along the way, many leaders started treating suffering as an unspoken job responsibilitytoughing it out, bearing stress stoically, and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. Throughout time, this mindset corrodes clarity, disconnects leaders from their teams, and turns resilience into burnout. What begins as dedication often ends in depletionphysically, emotionally, and culturally. 

Yes, pain is an inevitable part of life and leadership. Suffering is what you add to the pain, if you choose. Its the extra weight of shame, blame, fear, and the stories you may tell yourself such as, This shouldnt be happening, Its all my fault, or If I were stronger, Id power through. If you pile suffering on top of real pain, you lose your power and your presence.  

Consider a CEO forced to lay off good people. The pain is real, but if he ruminates on being a failure or numbs out to avoid feeling anything, he adds shame or emotional disconnection. His suffering builds and spreads, clouding his judgment and paralyzing his next steps. People sense it; they may even join him on the suffering bandwagon. 

Alternatively, if he stays with the truthlayoffs are painful and hard, and hes doing his besthe can lead with empathy, clarity, and even love. He stays present and fully available to do what is needed next. The pain is enough. He doesnt make it worse by suffering. 

Here are a few questions to consider when managing adversities in the workplace: How are you, unknowingly or not, adding suffering to real pain? What would it look like to respond with joy instead? What becomes possible if you lead with love, even when life feels unfair or overwhelming? 

  1. Check your emotional backpack. Notice what youre carrying. Is the stress from the situation or your reaction to it? Self-awareness starts here. Lighten your load.  
  2. Practice radical acceptance. Accept your challenges without decorating them with extra drama. Its not denialits clarity. 
  3. Celebrate emotional honesty. Create space for team members to name whats hard without shame. That simple act can transform a burden into a shared experienceand build trust. 
  4. Build a culture that doesnt reward burnout. Stop treating suffering like a performance metric. Create team norms that honor rest, humor, and honesty. 
  5. Turn hardship into heroic teamwork. Talk openly with your team about how to face challenges without adding emotional baggage. Model resilience without martyrdom. 

While you cant always control what happens, you can choose how you respond and what you add to it. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is not to add suffering on top of real hardship. Instead, meet adversity with light. Sit with the pain without turning it into a story. It, too, shall pass. Thats love-powered leadership in action. 

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

The final deadline for the 2025 Inc. Power Partner Awards is Friday, August 8, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Apply now.