This week on So You Think Youre an Adult, one letter writer asked how she should go about discussing her uncles deteriorating memory with his immediate family.

I help out with my aunt and uncle who live nearby as their only son, my cousin, lives in the UK, she told Moncrieff .


In the last year Ive really noticed my uncle declining he will ask me the same question over and over again and will lose things around the house and then you have to retrace his steps with him.

He is getting more and more confused over little things, and now its gotten to a point where I dont think we can ignore it any longer.

Hes in his late 70s and I suspect its more serious than simply being forgetful.

My aunt is very protective of him, and I get the sense that she has noticed but is covering on his behalf.

My cousin, their son, doesnt come home a lot, but I think they do need to do something.

How do I broach this rather than have everyone bury their heads in the sand?

A young carer holds the hands of an elderly person

Actress Mary McEvoy said that the listener should hold off on interfering until her aunt decides help is needed.

I find, and I see, a lot of times, people rushing in to help a situation like this, forgetting that just because one person may be deteriorating, the other person isnt, she said.

I really, really counsel her not going over anybodys head.

Maybe sometime sit down with a nice quiet cup of tea with your aunt and have a discussion and say, Look, Ive noticed that whatever-his-name-is, his memory is going, are you okay? Do you need any help?

If she says no, take her at her word.

Alzheimer's Society Ireland

Group deputy head of news at Bauer Media Audio Ireland Tara Duggan agreed and recommended the listener take some time to monitor the situation.

Watch and take a bit of time and maybe note some specifics of where you think there is confusion being displayed, or the memory is deteriorating somewhat, she said.

The one thing I wouldnt do, which I think is hinted at here, is to be phoning the son in England and saying, Theres a problem here, come home - that I definitely wouldnt do.

However, one texter pointed out that it is often hard to spot a gradual decline in someones cognitive abilities when you live with them, and that the letter-writer's outside perspective may be of value.

Tara said it could be useful to seek advice from the Alzheimer Society of Ireland.

Main image: Image: imageBROKER.com GmbH & Co. KG. 29 December 2016

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