Marina C.
Families often turn to each other for support during lifes transitions, but even the most well-meaning arrangements can come with unexpected challenges. What begins as a kind gesture can slowly shift into an overwhelming responsibility especially when boundaries arent clearly defined. One reader found herself giving more than she felt comfortable with, and receiving far less in return. As the situation grew more one-sided, she reached a breaking point and made a decision that surprised those closest to her.
Hi Bright Side,
My grandson is going to college in the same city where I live. My daughter asked me to let him stay with me to save on rent. After he moved in, it turned out she expected me to cook for him and do his laundry. So, without warning my daughter or grandson, I packed his things, left them neatly by the door, and told him he had a week to find somewhere else to live.
I didnt do it out of cruelty I love my grandson. But I realized they didnt want a helping hand they wanted a full-time maid. Im a retired woman, and instead of enjoying my peace, I found myself back in mom mode, doing chores for a grown boy who didnt even say thank you.
My daughter was furious when she found out. She accused me of being heartless, of turning my back on family. But is it really so wrong to want my own life back?
Sincerely,
Carla
Thank you, Carla, for sharing your experience. We know it isnt easy to speak up when family is involved, especially when youre made to feel guilty for protecting your time and energy. We hope the following advice brings you reassurance and helpful tools for moving forward.
Before agreeing to help a family member, clarify what youre offering and what youre not. Its okay to say, You can stay here, but I wont be doing your cooking or laundry. Being upfront prevents assumptions from forming.
Many people dont realize theyre crossing a line until its pointed out. Boundaries arent barriers theyre a way of showing respect for both sides.
You spent decades working, raising children, and putting others first. If youve finally reached a stage in life where you want rest, thats not selfish its healthy.
Youre allowed to prioritize your own space and routines. Retirement should be your reward, not a restart of parental duties. Stand firm in knowing that peace is a basic need, not a luxury.
Its common for families to assume that love means saying yes to everything. But unconditional love doesnt mean unconditional sacrifice.
Doing someones laundry or cooking every meal isnt a measure of how much you care. You can still be a supportive grandmother without becoming a full-time caregiver. True family respect includes recognizing your limits.
� Marcus Aurelius / Pexels 
Its normal to feel guilty when family gets upset with your decisions. But guilt isnt always a signal that youre wrong sometimes its just a sign that youre growing.
You did what was right for you, and that takes strength. Dont let emotional pressure from others make you second-guess yourself. You know your limits better than anyone.
I worked 40 years to retire early. My grown son is unemployed and expects me to keep working to support him. I told him no. Youll regret it, he replied with a smirk. The next day, his girlfriend called me in a panic. She told me that my son... Click here to find out what happened next!
That's a horrible thing to do! Of course you shouldn't be expected to cook and clean for your grandson, BUT why couldn't you simply have a conversation with him regarding his responsibilities in the home? Being cared for is all this kid knows I'm sure he had zero idea you were feeling this way. His first clue you were unhappy is a packed bag? That's not what family does!
You absolutely went about this in the wrong way. You don't want to be the kid's servant, that's fine. Don't be. But packing his bags and kicking him out? Boy you went from the good guy in this story to the bad guy resl quick. This could have been solved with a conversation, or even by just NOT doing the cooking and laundry for him. He'd figure it out the minute he gets hungry. You should invite him back, and just make your boundaries clear this time.
Vicki Laverty-Trego I was wondering if grandmom, daughter and grandson didn't talk about expectations before hand? I certainly would not have just kicked him out without talking things through first, that was just really
harsh for a loving grandparent.
Laura Justice You should've talked to your daughter and grandson before letting him move in and let them know he would need to fix his own food so his own laundry and clean up after himself if they would agree to that fine if not he could find an apartment
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