Im 64 and currently live in my daughters house with her current boyfriend. She has several health issues, and we have lived together for 10 years. Her health issues are growing, and she has only energy for a highly technical government position and her boyfriend. She has little interest or tolerance for much else, including me.
Her boyfriend buys junk food, energy drinks, alcohol and takeout. He takes out the garbage and works on his sports cars. He tends to his old dog who messes in the house. Nothing more. He offers no rent, and no help with bills. I do all the yard work, cooking and cleaning. I am also in charge of the house maintenance. I do all the real food shopping she and I pay for.
Her boyfriend buys junk food, energy drinks, alcohol and takeout. He takes out the garbage and works on his sports cars.
There is tension in the house. When I say anything, I am immediately wrong unless my daughter wants something, and then shes sickly sweet. OK, I have a small pension of $1,500, Social Security of $900 and spousal support of $1,200 for four more years. When my former spouse, who is 13 years older than me, dies, my income jumps to $3,200 a month.
I have assets, but a patio home in my area would cost me 25% of my assets. I love to garden and have made beautiful gardens where Im at. My daughter suggests I buy her house as is. It has had no interior updates since the early 1990s. It has old floors and the original windows. Its 2,400 square feet and two stories.
I love the location, but I question whether its too much house for one person. I am currently very fit and have done some professional remodeling, but it really hurts my body. I am dating, but have no interest in cohabitation. My grandchildren are 45 minutes away, but the housing is more expensive and I love my gym that I bike to.
Do I buy her out? Move out soon? Buy a house, or a condo with a yard?
The Mother
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It may actually help your relationship if you live apart. Photo: MarketWatch illustration
Dear Mother,
Well, I have to hand it to you you have your eye on the ball as far as Social Security is concerned. Spousal benefits, if your Social Security is lower than that of your spouse, is capped at 50% of your spouses or, in this case, former spouses Social Security. Survivor benefits can run up to 100% of the spouse/former spousess Social Security benefits. Thats a nice jump, and I hope it helps persuade you to make sure your current living situation is a happy one.
It sounds like you are in a lose-lose environment living with your daughter and her boyfriend (who sounds less than charming). But you are outnumbered: If you speak up and tell him to contribute to the grocery bill and gently suggest that he is a lazy sod, your daughter will take potshots at you. This is a textbook toxic situation, and 25% of your assets is a small price to pay for you to regain your independence and have your life back.
If your daughter does wish to sell this property, she should hire a landscape gardener.
Dont buy your daughters house. If it was such a great investment, she would not want to sell it. Furthermore, I dont like the idea of you embarking on such a transaction with a family member. If something went wrong, would you have the freedom to sue her? How would you even settle upon a mutually agreeable market price? If she wants to sell her house, tell her to put it on the open market where, in theory, she should get the best price for it.
Its an ironic situation you find yourself in: The person who is pulling weeds in the garden and improving the curb appeal of this property you is the same person who would be buying the house? Theres no justice in that. If your daughter does wish to sell this property (a discussion that has surely taken place with her boyfriend when youre not around), she should hire a landscape gardener to spruce it up. Its time to hang up your garden shears.
You have your daughters number: She can be nice when she wants something, and not so nice when she feels like it. It may actually help your relationship if you live apart. If you can buy an apartment or townhouse/cottage (that doesnt come with service charges) with an outdoor space with cash, you could live modestly on $2,000 a month without drawing on your investments. An added bonus: You wont have to pay a nearly 7% interest rate.
You could have 30 years ahead of you. Hopefully, they will be 30 healthy and happy years.
As for Social Security: If your spouse worked and paid Social Security taxes, you may be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits when they die, according to Vanguard. You must have been married for at least 9 months, in most cases. Your spouse must have worked the minimum required years (generally 10 years, depending on their age at death). You can receive full benefits at your [full retirement age] or reduced benefits as early as age 60.
You dont need the space and you wish to conserve as much money as possible for your retirement. You also want to be able to actually enjoy your retirement. Given that you receive Social Security, you are at least 62 years of age, and you could have another 30 years ahead of you. Hopefully, they will be 30 healthy and happy years. And lets hope, for good measure and karma, that your former husband has many happy years ahead too.
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