Uncomfortable Family Dynamics: Mother-in-Law Intrudes on Personal Space

Family & kids Vergine J.

Family dynamics can get complicated, especially when two people are building a life together and trying to set healthy boundaries. Moving in with a partner often means learning to navigate not just each others habits, but also the involvement of extended family. While support from loved ones can be helpful, it can sometimes cross into uncomfortable territory. One Reddit user recently shared her experience with this very issueand it sparked a lot of conversation online.

She wrote :

I (28F) moved in with my fianc� (30M) last year. Its technically his house, but we both call it home. I decorate, cook, clean, pay part of the mortgage, you get it.

Anyway, one afternoon I came home early from work and found my future MIL in our bedroom. Not just that, she was in our closet, looking through my clothes. I startled her, and she said she was checking to make sure I had enough hangers. WHAT?

I asked my fianc� about it. A chill ran through me as he informed me that his mom has the key to the house. Oh yeah, she helps out sometimes, he explained.

Helps out? I didnt ask for help. And since when is going through someones personal things considered helpful? I told him this was a huge violation, and he just shrugged and said shes always been involved.

I feel like Im in a sitcom where the overbearing MIL is real and no ones laughing. I asked him to take back the key, and he acted like I was being controlling. His mom hasnt apologized either, she said I should be grateful she cares enough to tidy up.

Tell me Im not insane. Am I wrong for thinking this crosses a major line?

Other Reddit users weighed in with their thoughts and perspectives, leaving comments such as:

• MIL having a spare key for emergencies and respecting it as such would be acceptable, if you and your partner both agreed. MIL having a spare key to come in to your home at her leisure, to go through your things, and to enter the most intimate of personal spaces is absolutely unacceptable. No if ands or buts. Absolutely not.
  Im not a fan of an ultimatum, but I would give one here. She gives her key back, or I give my key back, move out and break up. Theres no universe where I could accept living that way. Good luck! � apothekryptic / Reddit

• OP would need the consent of the homeowner to change the locks. Shes not on the deed so legally, until they are married, shes basically a tenant and must follow tenant laws. � Dull_Banana1377 / Reddit

• OP needs to go into damage control mode first:Check your prescriptions and valuables: Anything damaged or missing? Particularly, check any birth control or restricted substances. Jewelry, camera equipment, tools, electronics, IDs anything thats easy to fence.Check your accounts and credit: See anything that you havent authorized? Any new loans or credit cards? Changes to your credit score?

  Passwords & PINs: If you write these down on physical media for yourself or others, change them and write them down in your phone. Pay particular attention to places that give someone access to other things: iCloud, security cameras, Dropbox etc. � ValleyOakPaper / Reddit

• In this particular instance she sounds like she has dementia, because what do you mean, checking that I have enough hangers?! That, or shes an overbearing weirdo who cant accept that shes not the only woman in her little boys life anymore. � GlassPomoerium / Reddit

• My mom has a key and comes over when were out, when shes bored. We can always tell as the dishes are done, and the floors swept and laundry folded. If his mom had been actually helping, OP would have noticed the house get mysteriously cleaner.
  Need to change locks or partners. � eileen404 / Reddit
  

• Theres a massive difference between for emergencies and free rein to snoop. OPs fianc� brushing it off like its no big deal is honestly a red flag, too. If they cant respect privacy now, what happens later in marriage? Youre totally right to draw that line. � PeachSnapppp / Reddit

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